We received an email from a dear reader who, although she is not Muslim, wanted to try wearing the Hijab for the sake of research. We encouraged this experiment, asking only that she share her reflections at the end of her day. This is the message she shared with us, and insha’Allah, it will have the same, moving effect on you as it did on us. May Allah guide her and grant her peace.
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I put on my headscarf this morning and I felt a build-up of anxiety. I live near a military base, and the Islamophobia is palpable. On the way to class, I allowed myself to relax, and right when I was more excited about the promise of the day, I saw this bumper sticker:
“My One True God Can Beat Up Your Arab Myth”
The anxiety returned, but I felt personally indignant, despite not being Muslim. Passive islamophobia is one thing, but xenophobic, zealous ignorance is an entirely different thing. It was at the very beginning of my casual research into Islam that I ran into the phrase “People of the Book.” I notice time and time again a sense of respect for these “People of the Book”, Jews and Christians. Someone actively put that on their vehicle. Someone either ignores or denies that Muslims and Christians worship the same God. Any doubts I had about my desire to experience a day in the life of a hijabi disappeared. This was confirmation for me that I am making something worthwhile, and I will never be willfully ignorant.
I was very pleasantly surprised. The hijab itself was comforting to me. I had on loose-fitting comfortable clothing from head to toe. I didn’t worry about my hair style coming apart. I didn’t have to constantly adjust my belt-line. I have a tendency of sucking in my stomach when I walk across the room, but today I breathed freely all day long. In fact, any discomfort I experienced from being stared at occasionally, was entirely outweighed by the personal comfort of being covered so completely and naturally. I find it interesting that trying to dress as a modern Western woman, in the way we’re encouraged by the media to dress, is so entirely UNNATURAL and horribly UNCOMFORTABLE. Not to mention that the styles are often only flattering to an ideal body type that many of us do not, and will not, have.
I have had conversations with some hijabis and non-hijabis about self-perception. I know some people feel more beautiful with their hair uncovered and make-up and adornments. Some women outright say they cannot feel beautiful wearing hijab. I felt it to be entirely the opposite. I felt today that I looked better, not sexier or more alluring, but better. I felt very much like myself.
Some people stared, primarily children and older people. Other people made eye contact and actually were very friendly. Some people who know me talked to me, and asked me about hijab, and I had many interesting conversations. It was a very pleasant experience. What I was overwhelmed by was how much of wearing hijab is an internal experience. Maybe it’s something that can only be experienced by a woman who has lived for years outside of hijab. Western women who see hijab as a symbol of oppression should think about the feeling of trying to keep low cut jeans up. I find those darn jeans far more oppressive. In fact, I’m going to continue to wear hijab for now. I am sure there is still more to explore.
